Meet Steven Michael Selzer

He’s Looking To Make Civility “Cool”

By Fred Tscheulin

                The time is 1934 and the place is Plainfield, N.J. An auto body shop owner tosses a baseball to a kid passing by. He’s a young, black kid who lives next door to the shop. Little does the shop owner know that his small, random, color-blind act will launch a legacy of civil deeds that will inspire a future major league baseball player, span generations and become the inspiration for a book written by an author at Smith Mountain Lake.

                The kid, Joe Black, grew up and became a star athlete at Plainfield, N.J., High School. He served in the U.S. Army during World War II, won a scholarship to Morgan State College and followed Jackie Robinson into the major leagues. Black returned to Plainfield High to become a teacher and mentor of young students and in 1987 retired as a vice president of Greyhound Corporation.

                As both educator and mentor, Black had a profound impact on the life and career of Steven Selzer, author of By George! Mr. Washington’s Guide To Civility Today.

                What’s it all about? As Steven defines it, “There are four tenets to civility: Personal morals, business/occupational ethics, manners and etiquette. While all are important, the first two are the deeper principles of civility, reflecting true character, while the latter are somewhat superficial tenets of civil behavior.”

                Steven believes in the concept of “The Civility Defense Squad.” As he puts it, “If you don’t defend civility, the line moves. If there is no deterrent, the bad behavior will continue. We must act and speak up against rude and uncivil behavior. It can be done with firmness and honesty. Fairness needs to govern and civility rule.”

                Steven knows his mission: “In this generally cynical, self-absorbed world, I’m looking to make civility cool.” In addition to his book, he is also speaking to students about it … and they are listening. After all, according to Steven, “civil people listen.”

                By George! is the second of three books Steven has written. His first book, Life’s Little Relaxation Book, is a guide to “simple and effective ways to relax your body, mind and spirit.” It was inspired by the quiet times he and his family spend at Smith Mountain Lake. His recently completed third book is titled Civility Rules! In Business.

                Steven and his wife Adrianne discovered Smith Mountain Lake 17 years ago. They were captivated by the quiet beauty of the area and immediately purchased a condominium at The Waterfront Country Club. Steven practices law in the Washington, D.C. area. He and Adrianne have two sons and always look forward to spending leisure time together at the lake.

                “We enjoy the water, play some golf, dine out and just relax,” he said.

                Steven is a graduate of George Washington University, having attended both as an undergraduate and as a law student. He has campaigned to increase civil behavior in the legal profession and is a staunch advocate of civility.

                “I’ve always felt strongly about the golden rule,” he said. “We need to treat others with dignity and respect, regardless of race, gender or position. People at the lake tend to understand that, but in the hustle and bustle of the city, we’ve gotten away from it. For example, people entering our building at my Washington office don’t greet each other. Here at Smith Mountain Lake, they do. This brief measure of connectiveness makes us more friendly.”

                To start the process, Steven makes it a point to greet those he meets with a “Good morning.” Then, as he puts it, “the Rule of Reciprocity takes over and they respond back. Courteous behavior makes both parties feel good”.

                Interestingly, Steven did not learn about George Washington’s 110 Rules while in college. He discovered them in 1998 on a visit to Charleston, S.C. While wandering through a back room of the historical society, he happened upon a dusty book of parchment. Exploring further, he discovered that the first two pages were titled, Rules of Civility and Decent Behavior in Company and Conversation. It was a compilation of material written by George Washington in 1746 at the age of 14. Given Steven’s background and interest in fostering civil behavior, this was like finding hidden treasure. After acquiring a copy of the “rules” he headed home to translate the material from Washington’s Old English into modern English. This task was more difficult than expected, considering the Old Oxford English Dictionary consists of 22 volumes. It took several months to complete and along with his commentary following each rule that describes how it can be applied in modern life, the treasure was reborn.

                Steven says although these guidelines were written by George Washington more than 250 years ago, they are still relevant in today’s society.

                “The tips and principles in By George! are useful for handling interpersonal conflicts, conducting business, and managing everyday stress with grace and civility,” he said.

Rule # 22

Show not yourself glad at the misfortune of another, though he were your enemy.

Rule # 40

Strive not with your superiors in argument, but always submit your judgment to others with modesty.

Rule # 56

Associate yourself with men of good quality if you esteem your own reputation; for ‘tis better to be alone than in bad company.’